When Growth Feels Like Chaos
Growth doesn’t always feel good.
More often, it feels like confusion, exhaustion or doubt, even fear or anxiety. Like everything you once understood is suddenly being rewritten.
I used to think that personal and professional growth would feel exciting, that the more I learned, the more confident I would become. But real growth often starts with discomfort. The kind that shakes your plans, your habits and even your sense of direction.
In tech and leadership, we call it iteration. You build, you test, you fail, you adjust. It is messy, but it is how innovation happens. The same is true for us. Growth is rarely linear. It is a cycle of unlearning, recalibrating and trying again.
What I learned
Chaos isn’t a sign of failure. It is a sign that you are moving.
When things feel unstable, it usually means you are outgrowing an old version of yourself. The structure that used to fit no longer does. That is progress, even when it feels uncomfortable.
Brianna Wiest, in The Mountain Is You, writes about how we often self-sabotage when life starts to improve. We call it fear, overthinking or bad timing, but what is really happening is that our mind feels safer in the familiar. We are not wired for happiness, she says, we are wired for comfort.
That line stayed with me. Because growth always asks us to feel something new, to stretch beyond what feels safe.
When life begins to open up, when opportunities appear, it can feel uncomfortable in ways we do not expect. So we pull back. We delay decisions. We make ourselves busy with unimportant things. We hide behind perfectionism or doubt, convincing ourselves that we just need a little more time.
But the truth is, progress feels strange at first. It challenges the stories we tell ourselves about what we can handle. It tests our ability to stay present inside uncertainty. When we recognise that feeling for what it is, a sign of expansion, not danger, we can move forward instead of hiding from it.
How to navigate the messy middle
Pause before fixing
Susan David, a Harvard psychologist and author of Emotional Agility, reminds us that emotions are data, not directions. Before rushing to solve a problem, notice what you are feeling and what it might be telling you. Clarity often comes from awareness, not immediate action.Name what is changing
Writing down what feels uncertain helps you move from emotional noise to practical understanding. Carol Dweck’s research on mindset shows that simply naming a challenge as a phase of learning rather than a failure can reframe how the brain processes stress. When you label it accurately, you make it less overwhelming.Ask for support
Growth does not have to be solitary. James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, writes that small consistent actions and the right environment create sustainable change. Surround yourself with people who make progress feel possible. Talk to someone who has been where you are, or someone who listens without judgement.Trust the process
Psychologists often describe resilience as built, not born. Every time you face discomfort and stay present, you strengthen your emotional flexibility. Remind yourself that you have been through change before and found your way. You will do it again.
Reflection task
Write down three areas of your life or work that feel chaotic right now. Next to each one, ask yourself: Is this chaos actually growth?
Notice what happens when things start to go well. Do you pull back? Do you delay or doubt yourself? What if that resistance is not a warning, but an invitation to expand your comfort zone?
Journaling prompt
What does comfort mean to me right now, and what might growth require instead?
Recommended reading
If this topic resonates with you, I recommend reading The Mountain Is You by Brianna Wiest. It is an insightful book about self-sabotage, emotional healing and learning to outgrow your own limits.
👇 Join the conversation
What helps you stay calm when growth feels chaotic? Share your thoughts in the comments or inside The S.E.L.F. Factory Circle, where women in tech grow through reflection and honest conversation.
