Leading Without Losing Yourself
Leadership is not about having all the answers.
It is about holding space for questions, ideas and emotions, sometimes all at once.
When I first stepped into leadership, I thought my job was to manage outcomes. To stay composed, make decisions fast, and protect my team from uncertainty (which, by the way, I still believe. What I didn’t realise was that in trying to hold everything together, I stopped listening to myself.
I also believed I had to know everything to lead well. But the truth is, I was leading people who knew more than I did. Brilliant tech minds, experts in their craft. What I brought was not technical mastery, but perspective. The ability to connect dots, build trust, and keep focus when things got messy.
Over time, I learned that leadership without self-awareness quickly becomes performance. You sound strong but feel disconnected. You act decisive but lose touch with what actually matters to you.
Authenticity became my strength. I stopped pretending to know it all and started leading from who I actually am. That’s when leadership began to feel lighter, more real, and more effective.
What I learned
The moments that built my credibility weren’t the polished ones. They were the honest ones, when I said “I don’t know yet” or admitted I needed a break before deciding. Those moments didn’t make me weaker as a leader. They made me real.
I learned to say things like, “I will check, can you help me understand?” or “You’re the expert here, I trust your judgment.” Sometimes even, “I don’t have the answer, but I’ll support you in finding it, and we’ll figure it out together.”
That’s when collaboration started to replace control. It wasn’t about proving my competence anymore, it was about creating confidence in others.
Staying human in leadership
When the pace is fast and expectations are high, it’s easy to lose yourself in doing. You react instead of reflect. You manage instead of lead.
Staying human means slowing down just enough to stay connected to what matters your people, your purpose and yourself.
Here are a few things that help me stay grounded:
Pause before reacting
When things move quickly, it’s tempting to answer right away. A short pause gives you space to think and keeps emotions from taking over.Lead with empathy, not rescue
Listening doesn’t mean solving everything. Sometimes the most supportive thing you can do is to let someone own their process while knowing you’re there if they need you.Protect your focus
Every yes costs energy. Every no protects it. Being selective isn’t selfish, it’s how you stay present for what truly matters.Check in with yourself as often as you check in with your team
Ask simple questions: What do I need right now to lead well? Am I leading from clarity or from pressure?
A reminder for women in tech
You don’t have to be the loudest or the most technical person in the room to be a strong leader. You don’t have to fit a pattern that was never designed for you. Leadership doesn’t have one voice, one style, or one definition.
What matters is leading in a way that feels real to you. Using your empathy as strength. Balancing strategy with intuition. Showing others that calm, trust and kindness can move projects forward just as powerfully as speed and precision.
The more we lead like ourselves, the more space we create for others to do the same.
Reflection task
Think about one moment this week when you felt the need to have all the answers.
Ask yourself: what would have happened if I had paused and invited someone else’s perspective instead?
Write down what you noticed — about yourself, your team, or the way the conversation shifted.
Journaling prompt
What part of your leadership feels most natural to you, and what part feels like performance?
What is one small way you can lead more from your real self this week?
👇 Join the conversation
What helps you stay human while leading? Share your thoughts in the comments or inside The S.E.L.F. Factory Circle, where women in tech grow through reflection and honest conversation.
